20 Love Letters - The Second

I think you might have quit smoking. I don’t want to say anything in case you haven’t. I have always been too vocal in my opinions about how much I dislike your smoking, to my own detriment I believe. My latest approach has been to just shut up about it already, it is your decision after all and since you always go outside to smoke I can’t really complain about passive smoking.

But on the weekend when I visited I didn’t see you light up once. You smelled so nice the whole time and your lips when I tasted you were always clean, without the smoky aftertaste. You have something of an addictive personality, so it’s not surprising that it was hard for you to let go of the smokes (if that is indeed what you’ve done). It could be that you just avoided them that weekend for my sake. If that’s the case, then thank you. I really appreciated it.

You may well have quit and started again in my absence, out of boredom, or frustration, or stress. It’s hard not being around to see, to know what is really going on. You give me the headlines of course, but it’s the little things that are so easy to miss. Have you bought any of those nice chewy peanut butter cookies from Coles recently? Are you currently working your way through a pack?

When we first started dating you were a full card carrying smoker. Occasionally I would even buy a pack for you, if I was on the way to meet you somewhere that didn’t have a cigarette machine. You used to smoke Marlboros, the light gold packet. It gave me a sense of pride to know what your brand was. Like there was some ownership in it. In much the same way that I know you prefer Coopers Pale if it’s on offer, and before Coopers you used to like Stella, but only if it was on tap.

I like to keep these pieces of knowledge about you, it makes me feel like I know you so well, like I’ve collected all this data on the one who holds my heart. You have the same encyclopedia on me, I know, from my vodka-lime-and-soda-in-a-tall-glass to the name of the first real perfume I bought, which you helped me choose.

I wonder if when we go to the UK you will find a new beer to love, and I can tuck that information away too.